Not as weird as the one from two weeks ago, though. All weekend, I was really aching to get to this day. I craved work. I needed it. I still do.
But there's so much work! How is anyone supposed to do this much work? And while I don't have anyone but myself to blame, I can't help but wonder if I meant for this to happen. I have five books all but finished and ready to ship, yet I seem unable to bring them to a close. It's some sort of fear, for sure. But I've dealt with this fear for years now, and I know, rationally, that I can just switch it off.
So what gives? Why is so much work?
The explanation is, of course, that I did this. I wanted to try working on five different projects at once. It felt good at first. It allowed for a short attention span while making me feel like I was accomplishing tons.
But the truth is that I haven't published anything but WIP stuff for weeks now, and while shipping those five books today would definitely make up the lost schedule, it feels like too much work and I can't do it and other excuses.
Okay, so what if I take this week and distribute the work over five days? Would that be okay? Would that allow myself to ship everything? Well,
- I have no idea if it would work or not, and
- I feel stuck in this mode of thinking about the work amount while getting no work done.
(Also, I was supposed to update my site this weekend and while I managed to install the latest ghost, I still need to upload the theme. And I'm not sure I know how to do that.)
Therefore, to answer the title question:
Because of me, my crazy ideas, and my lust for an overwhelming workload.
So is there even a problem? Do I even want to solve this?
The truth is that the only fear more potent than the creative fear... is the fear of the day when I no longer have work to be done.
P.S. Note to self: I'll ship everything eventually. There's no need to worry excessively.