You thought life would have sorted itself out by now.
You thought everything would be clear by this point, and continue to be so until the day you die.
You thought that it would become obvious, that life should be this way, and you'd be happy forever.
But you had to work. And you wanted to work. You wanted to work hard.
You just didn't want to work unnecessarily hard.
It was essential that no ounce of work would go to waste - that every second, every minute, every hour would contribute to the end goal, which was eternal happiness, success like a snowball rolling downhill; accumulating mass effortlessly.
You chose a field, failed, chose another, and failed. You chose three other fields, and failed them all.
Or did you? How do you know you failed?
Your definition of a failure was not making money. It was your definition even after you realized money wasn't the goal. You still clang onto the phantom of an idea.
And if you cling onto an idea long enough, the idea clings onto you.
At times, you felt joy, regardless of the money. The work itself felt like the end goal. The rush, the flow, not noticing time passing - finishing projects, shipping products, making an impact on your individual way on the world.
And then, there it is again - the doubt: is this the right kind of impact? Is it an impact at all, if no one sees it? Is it enough if the world knows I've done it?
There's a weak voice within that replies yes - and the infinitely louder voice that yells no.
Suddenly, your mind is filled with uncertainty again, for the hundredth time. Is this the right field? Is my work meaningful? Do I have an impact at all? Should I change fields?
And how do I make money?
I want to reach out to you, console you with a hand on the shoulder, and say: your path, with all its curves and crossroads and sudden turns, is the right path, exactly as it is. Have faith. It'll take you exactly where you're fated to go.
But it doesn't matter. Someone else's words aren't enough to change your fundamental beliefs. You should come to the same conclusion yourself; you must find that faith within you alone, not forced by another.
Yet this was exactly the problem from day one - you don't believe yourself. You don't trust that you can even find that faith down there.
So all I can say is: have patience.
It'll come - the trust, the self discovery, the faith - in due time. The right time will come, sooner or later. Until then, just be patient. Enjoy the ride, even if you fail a hundred businesses. Or perhaps especially if you do.
Nothing will happen to you that isn't your destiny.