Yesterday, one thing lead to another (so typical of me though):
- YouTube suggests a Queen's Gambit analysis video for me, and I click it, and find out that the analyser thinks Beth Harmon is on the autistic spectrum.
- I google "is beth harmon autistic."
- Google search results suggest not only that Beth Harmon autistic, but also that she is an INTJ (personality type) - same as me.
- I google "INTJ and autism" and find out that the two correlate.
- I take an online AQ (autistic spectrum quotient) test and score on the top category - meaning, I have "significant autistic traits" (scored 43 out of 50).
But - I mean c'mon - I'm just an introvert intellectual! I like things and numbers more than people - how does that automatically mean I'm autistic? Shouldn't you have something extra special on top of that to qualify?
This could mean a number of things, for example
one, that everyone on Earth is on the autistic spectrum somewhere,
two, that it's very sounds very INTJ of me to think that one has to "earn" one's spot on the autistic spectrum, that you can't get there by just being an introvert intellectual,
three, that a high functioning autism (the kind that Beth seems to have) could explain many things about me and my life experiences,
four, the sets of INTJ's and autistic people overlap to some extent and that is the end of that, OR
five, the AQ test is not reliable, which I think is the most valid conclusion of the five.
So how do you know if you're autistic? Is it enough to always feel like "the odd one out," or do you also have to lack basic social skills, or show and recognize emotion differently from others? How do you know if your idea of showing and recognizing emotions is different from others? Fuck! It's like trying to figure out if you and your friend both see the color green the same way!
I guess you could see a psychologist and ask them to evaluate you. Or just decide yourself that you are or are not on the spectrum.
Or maybe just drop the whole idea. Nothing would have changed with it, anyway.