I'm going to a big birthday party today. That's saying something because I don't usually attend parties of any kind. I don't know how to behave in them. I'm not good with people so usually I just end up sitting or standing in a corner in a very antisocial way.
Or, I'll say something stupid out of a sudden whim, which is so much worse.
So I'm kind of nervous. I might ruin everything. I might embarras myself and my date and my relatives. If I feel very passionately about a subject that comes up in a conversation, I usually can't stop myself from expressing my ideology. And that usually doesn't end up well.
But perhaps I should see this as an opportunity to grow! I mean, how cool is that. I get to practice the stimulus and response method. So if someone says something that makes me flare up inside, I try to control myself, take a second to process what they said, take the higher ground, and respond according to that higher ground.
As a sidenote, all this pondering is very interesting and very contradictional when it comes to how I used to think of parties as a kid. I never much enjoyed them, but I never worried about my behavior, either. I used to be this charming introvert who never spoke much yet whom everyone liked and respected anyway. I saw parties as an opportunity to show how composed and mature I was (even as a 12-year-old).
But of course, back then I didn't have strong opinions about anything. Also I tolerated people a lot more than I do now.
Which brings us to my other worry - what if I get anxious midst all those people and want to get out? Sure, I'll just leave, but I also don't want to be disrespectful. Maybe I'll just visit the bathroom for a few minutes alone.
So my project of the day is to find a way to be a good guest and talk to people and not be antisocial and tolerate masses. All those things I'm usually not good at. And mind you, I'm not doing this for altruistic reasons. I'm doing this to develop my mind.
How are you developing your mind today?
RK
