Here on WIP, I keep talking about making your life your own - as in, instead of doing what everyone else is doing or what society is telling you to do, you choose for yourself, even if what you choose is unconventional or not smart or pointless or bound to fail.
It somehow also seems that a part of me feels angry towards all those other people and society for trying to instil this doubt in me.
Ergo: I keep talking about this subject because I'm trying to balance out the voices in my own head. I'm trying to keep myself from believing all those other people and society.
Ergo 2: I'm still not convinced I made the right choice. If I was, I wouldn't feel the need to write so aggressively about the battle. I'm still a prisoner, my mindset is still not at an adequate level, I still need work.
But is writing hostile articles and making sarcastic videos about the subject the right way to do it? Will being hostile and aggressive and sarcastic lead me to peace?
A loaded question, put like that. But no, I don't think it will.
Maybe I need a silent retreat. You know, one of those where you sit still and meditate for 10 hours a day, like Tim Parks in Teach Us to Sit Still. Or maybe I can just make meditating and calming my mind a daily practice.
At the end of the day, I value freedom over money, although they come hand in hand, and although I already have both. However, it seems that a deeply rooted fear in my soul doesn't know that yet. It values admiration over both freedom and money.
Admiration? From some random stranger? How silly.
What's funny is that the road I'm on right now is more likely to lead to that admiration than the conventional way that I ditched.
Delayed vs. instant gratification, am I right?
RK
