Yesterday I mentioned that I'm a compulsive eater and that only the carnivore diet has kept me in check and that I was finally going to try to incorporate some broccoli back into my diet. So I decided to have some broccoli last night. I cooked it in water and added seasoning and butter. And it was freaking delicious and I had to use the remainings of my willpower not to make another bowlful. With terror, I waited for symptoms: possible bloating, headache, depressed mood, whatever the dish might bring. But what happened exceeded my worst fears:
The next morning, I woke up hungry.
Usually with the carnivore diet, I'm never really hungry, or maybe a little bit in the afternoon just before I have breakfast. Today, I was hungry already in the morning, and I had to actively ignore it until around 1 pm when I couldn't take it anymore. (Mind you, 1 pm is very early for breakfast for me. I usually eat my first meal around 2.30 to 4 pm.) So I went to the grocery store to get olive oil that I'd run out of and happened to casually snatch a bag of almonds in the basket and buy those as well. I went home, still starving, made myself a nice 4-egg frittata, ate it, and since I knew there were almonds in the house, I decided to try to make almond butter.
Bad news: I succeeded. And I ate the whote batch.
I had been so hungry in the morning that the 4-egg frittata, even though it completely satisfied my hunger, couldn't stop me from stuffing my face with an entire bag of almonds. And now I feel terrible for losing control.
My mind immediately suggested that A) I don't eat anything for the rest of the day, not even the broccoli or bulletproof coffee I had planned, AND B) I do an egg fast for the rest of the week to get back on track.
While I fully realize this kind of thinking isn't healthy, I also have to emphasize that I have a problem with food that, if not kept under control, will ruin my life, as proven by the fact that my mindless eating had pushed my body close to overweight last year before I started to make changes to my habits. And I don't want to go there anymore. Ever.
So maybe I will do an egg fast - not because I want to punish my body, but because I want to make sure my mind won't learn any new and unhealthy habits. And then, after a few days, I'll start to eat normal again - while I'm not sure at the moment if that normal includes broccoli anymore.
And while I'm not sure I'll be able to stop the egg fast.