I mentioned earlier that this spring, I applied to architecture school, went through the entrance test, thought I did phenomenally, yet fell short from the minimum passing points significantly. I also hypothesized that this was because God had something better in store for me, something that passing the test and enrolling in the school would prevent - or because I was just subconsciously trying to procrastinate taking real action towards the end goal.
There's also a third option. I think this might be it. The reason I did not get into architecture school is because
I still don't think I'm good enough - that the people who apply and get in are a whole different breed from me - that I was born insufficient - that just like some people have royal blood and are thus more valuable from birth, some people's blood is white trash and thus they are inherently less valuable from birth - and that this blood status cannot be altered in life, meaning, they cannot get into certain schools or careers, no matter how hard they tried.
A few notions:
- This is obviously bullcrap,
- you can't just decide to become one of the royal blood ones, but
- maybe you can realize that you've had royal blood all your life, but your environment has lead you to believe otherwise, so
- the solution is to realize you're royal, that you've always been royal, and that the problem all along has been you believing in that false facade of un-royalty.
So, like Jay Gatsby, you must believe you're born a son of God... and then practice hours every day to look like it?
