Having studied the human psyche for years now, I've come to see which traits poison the mind and spirit and what kind of a character is needed for a happy and fulfilling life. Especially now that I'm responsible for another being besides myself (the puppy I keep mentioning), this has become more and more important. You see, people have a nasty tendency to expect gratitude in exchange for their sacrifices, even if they themselves chose to take on those duties that lead to those sacrifices. And when the gratitude doesn't come, they become resentful.
So here's my new resolve, my new philosophy for life:
Base all your decisions regarding other living creatures (pets, friends, family members, lovers, et cetera) on what prevents you from growing resentment towards them.
Whenever I notice that I feel like the puppy is taking too much of my time and energy - time and energy I'd like to spend doing more productive things than listening to his whining - we'll do a being-alone exercise. I'll leave him to his toys for a few hours and go work somewhere else.
This way, I won't become resentful towards him. Instead, I get stuff done, he gets a good nap and a lesson about being self-sufficient, and when I come back to him, we're both happy to see each other.
The same goes with friends and family members: if someone falls through on our joint plans, instead of getting angry and becoming resentful towards them, I'll just go and enjoy the plans by myself. (Luckily I'm one of those people who really don't like people - who enjoy doing things alone just as much as with others.)
What saddens me is that there are parents who think that if they altruistically sacrifice their dreams and lives to their children, the children will feel a never-ending debt of gratitude towards them and will serve and worship them until the day they die. Which, of course, won't happen - and the parent will feel resentful towards the child. (I think this is the guilt-tripping mother trope from movies. Why is it never fathers? Is it because men are less neurotic and thus less prone to this kind of stupid altruism than women?)
Anyway, that's how I live nowadays: making all my decisions based on avoiding resentment as completely as possible.
RK out.
