So here's the thing -
I did some stupendous analyzing as per usual and decided that I've been living in life too long; I need to live in creation for a change.
And boy, how excited and relieved I felt, all of a sudden.
For those of you who haven't read Otto Rank, life and creation are two forces that battle inside your head. Life is living in the moment, not caring about mortality, just enjoying yourself; creation is work, building something meaningful and worthwhile, making yourself immortal through your task.
Or something in the lines of that.
Two things about living in creation for me.
One - I need to set some humongous goal that seems impossible to attain, but I'll find a way, somehow, and work immensely to attain it;
Two - I'll feel noticeably better at the moment of attaining the first goal if I starve myself in the process.
Which sounds somewhat contradictional.
Doing something great requires more energy than doing something average. So why would I want to starve myself while doing it?
Answer: the cathartic feeling that comes with starving oneself.
I'm not recommending this to anyone, and even I have a voice in myself telling me this is a bad idea, but I really, really like the idea of working long hours to attain a goal while making it extra enhausting.
Rationally, it sounds like it doesn't bring anything to the table.
My gut tells me it does.
So I'll go with my gut, until my gut tells me to load up, which is most likely when I've attained the goal, and its deadline is passed, which will be
December 1st, 2020, 12 AM,
aka just when the month changes.
The humongous & impossible goal I want to achieve by then: writing and publishing 12 personal development books. (Plus finishing the first manuscript of my new novel.)
While: radically limiting my energy intake. (Not going to mention any numbers though. Someone with eating disorder tendencies might get triggered. And I don't want that.)
The reason I'm doing this is to earn the Christmas month, during which I'll relax, take it easy, eat all the chocolates I want, and do all the Christmas things my heart desires.
December - like any other pleasurable thing - will feel so much better if I've worked hard to deserve it.
Never underestimate the power of earned rewards.