After getting the news that the cat's dead and that I failed the entrance exam, after processing the news and then crying about it, after drowning my shock in champagne and seltzer and Cuba Libre, I asked God what the hell happened. How had I been so completely in the wrong?
Here's what he said (or rather, here's what the code led me to realize during the prayer):
- Something better is coming, something that studying in the university would block me from receiving.
- I applied to university because I am, subconsciously, trying to avoid the pain of taking real action; I must see title chasing for what it is - a form of procrastination - and stop making excuses.
And then, later...
3. Regardless of how highly I think of myself, I'm not actually at all as great as I think I am. I might think that I'm a capable, talented, and intelligent individual who can do anything because of some intrinsic birthright that my delusional psyche has whipped up. But no, I'm actually very average, if even that, and the sooner I realize my own insignificance, the sooner I can actually get over myself and become better.
The last one I actually came up with on my own, but so far, God hasn't definitely trumped it.
So I guess I'm onto something there.
