So I finished Super-May and felt super proud of myself and decided to have a super reward - and because I know what can happen if I reward myself with food, I decided that the primary reward should be something else than food and only have something delicious as a secondary reward. I had the primary reward, which ruined my hair. Then I had the most amazing cheesecake with whipped cream and raspberries.
...then I also made myself a coconut fudge out of coconut flakes and coconut oil, which wasn't as good as I remembered.
..then I got some more whipped cream from the store, and also some Port Salut cheese.
...then I ate the whipped cream and blueberries with a chia seed pudding.
...then I made rolls out of butter and the cheese and ate maybe thirty of them.
...then I ate the rest of the coconut flakes, because hey, I had to dispose of them somehow.
...then, all through night to the next morning, I got a terrible stomachache and had nightmares and woke up several times and swore never to treat myself this badly ever again.
...then, when the stomachache had passed, I wondered if I should get some ice cream and whipped cream from the store.
This is exactly why I cannot have cheesecake or other delicious things, sweet or sour, ever. I cannot control it. I will do terrible things to my body while convincing myself I'm only listening to its needs.
Indulgences are great - that cheesecake especially - but if you can't control yourself with food, if you know you'll overeat or that you can't restrict the indulgence inside a certain window (say, weekend), perhaps you shouldn't do it at all.
And when I say you, I mean me. I don't really know anyone else who has the tendency to do the things I do. Some people can have dessert every day without going overboard. They seem to be able to control themselves completely, only having one portion and stopping there. I wonder what it would take to become one of those people.
Maybe next time I'll treat myself with something within my daily diet. Like spicy ground beef and mayo. But how would that feel like a treat if I have if regularly anyway? Isn't the point of indulgence to have something a little guilty?