Here's the thing: I never had a dog growing up. In fact, I didn't have any pets at all. My sisters had fish and rodents. I preferred cacti and carnivorous plants. I did like the look of West Highland White Terriers, but due to a dog allergy in the family, the plan was always to get one after I move out.
Years passed, I moved away from home, some more years passed, and I never got the dog.
Until, in the last couple of years, I've been drawn to the idea again, albeit with thoughts of a different breed - one that suits my character even more than the Westie: the mini dachshund. Without much thought, I put one on my vision board, and like magic, things happened. Now my partner and I have this little devil to live with for the next fifteen years or so.
Did I consider all the ramifications ahead of time? No.
Did I know what having a dog would be like? Absolutely not.
Did I think this all the way through? Hell no.
I had no idea what it would be like to be a dog's human. How could've I known? I'd never had a dog in my life, or any other pet for that matter. I guess I just wanted to make my life harder.
Here are some things I learned after getting a dog, things no one told me beforehand - things that you only learn when it's too late not to have him:
- He will eat strands of human hair he finds on the floor, but the hair won't break down in this stomach, so when he poops, the strands will string pieces of poop together - and some of it will be left stuck in his poop hole. He will scream like crazy when this happens.
- Nicotine poisoning is no joke. Until he learns not to eat cigarette butts and nicotine pouches off the ground, you can't afford to look anywhere else besides the ground around his mouth during your walks.
- He might pee out of joy; for example, when you see him after a couple of days' separation.
- Give him a few too many treats, or let him lick the empty plate of your ground beef dinner, and there will be diarrhea everywhere the next day.
- If you were afraid of ticks before getting him, you'll get over it, because you'll be removing them from his fur every night. Every. Night.
- The chasing-his-own-tail thing is not an urban legend - it's a real thing.
- Most likely, he'll be an idiot with no common sense, so whenever you have to leave him alone, you'll spend that time worrying about him (if he'll eat something that kills him, if he chews on a power cord that electrocutes him, if he strangles himself to death on a blanket, etc).
- Just like a little kid, he'll get bored with his toys, and you'll have to buy him new ones regularly, or take some of the old ones away for a while and then give them back later to simulate novelty.
- After months of house training, he might suddenly forget everything he's learned and regress back to pooping and peeing inside - even if the weather's fine. (And if you dare take him out for his business when it rains, he'll make sure you know that no one has ever suffered as much as him in the history of the universe.)
- Baby teeth. Baby teeth everywhere. (Get a lot of chew bones.)
Well, as I said, it's too late not to have him now. (Plus, you'll adapt. Soon enough all of the above will seem like nothing.)
RK out.
