I have this new habit.
You see, whenever I feel anxiety or am overly attached to some particular outcome that I have little control over, I ask God to help me rise above it.
(You'd think that the new me feels zero anxiety. True, she doesn't. But the old me is fighting for her life, and anxiety is one of the weapons she still has. I wish she'd stop fighting, though. It's not like I'm killing her. I'm just trying to gently and lovingly bring her up to the new me's level. I get that it's scary, like all change. Maybe I just need to take the time with her.)
(It seems I have began talking about myself in the third person. How lame.)
(Back to topic.)
Sometimes when I do this, the anxiety sort of just lifts, softly and immediately. I take a few deep breaths and I'm cool again.
Sometimes it takes a couple of days for it to completely dissolve.
And yesterday, after my anxiety rant, I was walking down an aisle in the grocery store when an uncontrollable chuckle escaped my lungs and I began grinning like a stupid person.
The lift has never happened this violently before. And I mean violently in a good way, as if I were sitting in one of those vertical amusement park rides where the carriage suddenly shoots up towards the skies.
All of the anxiety and the fear regarding the pits and the cages just disappeared.
Now all I need to do is enforce this feeling with new triggers and cues to make sure it permanently overrides the old one. (Easier said than done..?)
RK
