In November 2020, I wrote an article about the exhaustion I was feeling towards the finish line of my fall project that year. Apparently I was having a rough time. In my own words, every day felt like taking the one ring to Mordor.
Maybe it's the Nietzschean spirit within me, but I like to give credit of the AMAZING feeling I got on December 1st to that specific ordeal of having to take the ring to Mordor.
I had pushed myself, further than ever before in my life, working my butt off every day, increasingly so towards the end of November... so of course, when the first second of December came and all the work was done and I knew I could finally let myself relax, listening to Angels from the Realms of Glory felt more glorious than anything ever before in my entire life.
I want that same glorious feeling this year as well. In fact, I want a more and more intense feeling of glory, progressing every year, that night when November turns into December.
So the fact that I'm not taking the ring to Mordor every day these days should worry the hell out of me!
Is it because there's still three weeks left, and my mind isn't panicking yet? Will the ring-to-Mordor exhaustion come later? Can I trust that it'll come?!
I'm having too easy a time! I know already that I'll achieve my goals this year! I have nothing to worry about, and therefore, I'm not pushing myself hard enough to get the glorious feeling of relaxation that only comes after immense struggle!
Maybe I'm more accustomed to hard work now than this time last year? So to get that same rush, I need to dramatically increase my workload for the next few weeks?
I need to make my life harder, goddammit!