They call it a city of love. They call it the capital of France. Whatever they may call it, Paris is a real pain in the butt. Here's all you need to know when planning your next trip.

How to survive in Paris, France

1. Transport
Do not, I repeat, do not assume you can just walk everywhere in Paris. The place is freaking huge. You need two things: 1) an unlimited metro card, and 2) good walking shoes. Yes, you'll be walking, don't get me wrong - but please, for your own good, do it only when it's absolutely necessary.

2. Hotel
Unlike in London, there's really no need to get a hotel in the centre in Paris - the place is so enormous I don't think the place even has a centre. You can take the metro everywhere, so just choose a location that suits your interests - near a sight you particularly like, be it the Moulin Rouge, or the Eiffel Tower, or Champs-Elysees.

3. What to see
If your soul is an architect then you'll be delighted by what the city has to offer. The Eiffel Tower, the gigantic metal stick that it is, is a true pleasure, and by all means do visit the top (even if it means getting a sunburn when standing in line for the elevator). Notre Dame is freaking awesome, and not just from the front, so if you have the time, visit the chruch inside and walk around it. If your travel companion is a structural engineer they'll probably bore you to death with explanations as to why those ugly weird spider leg columns are there. Also, by all means visit the Louvre (and get another sunburn for standing in line).

4. What to eat
There's no question about it: a croque-monsieur with a double espresso for breakfast, bouillabaisse with champagne for dinner, and creme brulee for dessert. Every day.

5. Miscellaneous
Charles de Gaulle airport is a beautiful mess. Make sure you have time to get lost both on your way in and out.

With that sales pitch, who wouldn't want to go to Paris on every trip they take? I know, right! Tomorrow we're crossing the border over to Germany.

RK