I pride myself on my inability to break any of the promises I make to myself. That's a difficult way to say that whatever I decide, I will do; whatever goal I set, I will reach that goal. I'm very good at this, so much so that the promises and goals I make and set become deterministic, self-fulfilling prophecies of destiny.
However, it has now dawned on me that while I do keep all of the macro-level, material promises to myself, I fail the micro-level, emotional promises.
For example: If I want to go to the movies on a specific day, and I ask someone to come with me, but that day the person doesn't feel like it, I will not go to the movies, either.
What's stopping me from going to the movies alone? Just the fact that the date doesn't feel like it? It's not as if I promised only to see the movie with that particular person!
Today, the new me was strongly in the foreground and decided that this horrible habit of the old me stops for good. I had made plans to go to IKEA with someone who then got some urgent work to do and didn't have time to go anymore. The old me would have agreed to go to IKEA some other day.
Gracefully and with absolutely zero resentment towards the person who canceled, the new me went to IKEA by myself!
This might sound like a small thing, but after doing this the wrong way all my life, I feel invincible!
If it had been some drag activity that I didn't want to do, canceling would have been fine. But going to IKEA is one of my favorite activities. It's almost as much fun as going to the movies. Both are activities that I shouldn't deprive myself of just because my date has to cancel.
Furthermore, the old me would have probably felt resentful towards the canceler. But why would I want to go to IKEA or the movies with someone who doesn't want to be there? Of course they shouldn't do something they don't want to do!
This new me is obviously very selfish.
And since selfishness is a virtue, I can't help but feel immensely proud of her (me)!
RK
