Somehow I feel like this was the answer all along:
to not wait,
to not save energy,
to seize the day,
regardless of the cost.
I used to be appalled by the story of the man who decided to give himself one year to try life to the fullest, and if life didn't become worth living, he would end it. Of course, life became more than he had ever imagined it could be. He found joy, purpose, and love, among all other good things. He gave everything to life, and life gave him everything in return.
I feel like I'm doing that right now.
While I'm not planning to end my life, I do feel like this year, I'm giving life everything I have. Just to see how it feels like. And to end this jellyfish in space phase.
Why wait until the summer to get an office? Why not explore every idea that pops into my head? Why resent the idea of a gym just because cavemen didn't have one?
So after my epiphany, I took action immediately:
I contacted an office building manager and I'm moving in next week.
I signed up for a gym.
I woke up early today and had a hearthy breakfast of eggs and bacon almost right away.
I'm starting two new projects.
I bought books by Robert Frost and David Goggins.
I'm doing my best to be open and adapt to changing circumstances.
I'm paying more attention two how I think in terms of growth vs. fixed mindset.
I'm exploring ways to contribute to someone else's dream.
This year, I'm giving life my all. I'm far from having no fear but I'm trying my best. In time it has to mount up to something.
Life has to be worth living. It just has to. This year, I'll see just how worthy it is.