When I first quit my day jobs and began my full-time entrepreneur journey, I calculated that the value of my stock portfolio and selling some stocks regularly would keep me afloat for at least five years. In the beginning, this is exactly what I did. But now I haven't had to liquidate any stocks for over a year.
Until recently.
And boy, the shit storm I'm going through.
Rationally, consciously, I keep telling myself that this is exactly what I was always planning to do: to spend those savings while I build a lucrative business. Furthermore, I wrote this article already in freaking 2021 and I still haven't spent every penny I ever made!
Apparently just spending some of those pennies got the ball rolling enough to get me out of that depressed mentality. And so it worked for a while. But now I face a new problem:
It seems I FORGOT I'm allowed to cash in my stocks and buy stuff. My subconscious has interpreted the liquidating of the stocks like this: if I have to dig into my savings, something must be wrong, I'm dying, I'll end up living in a ditch.
My subconscious has reverted to the idea that my savings are a safety net, not money to be spent. Even though in 2021 I was using those savings liberally in the process of getting an office and buying manuscripts from writers all around the world. And not only did it not freak out my subconscious back then - but it actually felt GOOD.
It seems I've forgotten this good mentality of spending money. My subconscious has gone back into that little box that thinks that spending money means you're dying.
But if I don't spend my money, I'm shrinking into that ever-diminishing comfort zone, which would be the equivalent of dying psychologically.
If I don't dare live (read: spend my savings), what's the point of living? What kind of a life is that if I'm scared of stupid stuff like this?
I need to find my way back to that liberating mentality I had back in 2021. I can't live my life in fear of using my resources.
This is the grand war of life.
And I need to win.
RK
